


Watch Me Grow

by tinycrown



Series: Headcanons [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crying, DysFUNctional families, Evolution of Relationship, Hurt Carl Grimes, M/M, Rick isn't a good dad, Sad Carl Grimes, Timeline Fic, a lot of it, i mean cmon lately its true, implied rape, mature carl grimes, please respect my queen, refrence to character death, that boy needs some fucking respect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 08:43:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10738161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinycrown/pseuds/tinycrown
Summary: Carl is sixteen years old when his friend Ron accidentally shoots him in the eye because of Michonne. She stabs him through the chest, as if dad can’t move out of the fucking way and Michonne could just easily tackle him. It’s not Ron’s fault, it’s hers. And he tells her that, yells at her. He doesn’t make her cry but she’s angry and understanding. She knows it’s her fault and Carl feels insulted. Rick yells at him later and Carl yells back, louder than him, dominating, and Rick stands down. He knows Carl is right.((The two songs I chose to listen to while writing this was All About Us (He is We) and Masterpiece Theatre 3 ( Marianas Trench.))





	Watch Me Grow

The first time Carl get’s hurt, he’s eight years old and he’s broken his ankle after landing on it badly in a soccer match. He’s crying and hugging his dad as Rick sits with him in the back seat and mom is driving. Dad always makes sure he’s okay before moving him, and Carl is sobbing in pain. Mom’s driving fast, faster than she should and Dad is holding him tight in his lap, making sure to keep his ankle at one angle. It’s bruised and a little cut up, and it’s badly swollen. 

When they get to the hospital Carl quiets his cries, dad carries him in there and mom checks him in. The lady sees that it’s urgent and brings them to a doctor immediately, putting a hand on Carl’s shoulder and the boy doesn’t look up. Mom says he’s shy, and it’s a little true. Carl was never one to put out instantly. The doctor handles him gently, taking off the sock and shoe slowly. Dad holds Carl’s hand tight, mom is filling out paperwork in the next room. 

Dr. Orro says he doesn’t need an x-ray to tell that it’s broken. He carefully wraps it in ace bandages and puts an air-cast over it. Carl wipes his eyes and the doctor hands him crutches. “He can start using them tomorrow. You can carry him out today if you want to.” Orro smiles, patting his head. Dad wipes his cheeks and mom tells him they can go for ice cream since he made the winning shot. Carl smiles, remembering the cheering before he fell. He recalls mom and dad practically sprinting onto the field, the coach trying to help him up but Carl couldn’t stand. 

Despite the pain, he still smiled, just for mom and dad. 

  
  


The next time he gets hurt, he’s ten years old and shot in the lung. Hershel, the man helping everyone, is in the process of removing a bullet fragment. He screams, he’s flailing and Shane and Dad have to hold him down. There are fat tears rolling down his face and he sobs, Shane is looking at him with pity and dad is yelling. The fragment comes out and Carl falls back, sobbing, crying his eyes out and Shane moves off him. Dad comes forward and kisses his forehead, he looks like he’s going to break down himself. 

Carl falls unconscious, until he has a seizure. He sees mom and dad, looking down at him and he tries to form words, but his throat is sore from screaming and crying earlier. He blacks out again.

Carl wakes up and dad is beside him, he exchanges his hat and welcomes him to the club.

“Love you, dad.”

Dad pauses and smiles. “I love you.”

  
  


Carl’s turning thirteen in a few short days and that’s when he has to shoot his mom. Judith is born and he’s more depressed than he’s ever been. He doesn’t tell anybody those things, what use would it be celebrating a birthday when your mother is dead, and why would he? There’s no point to anything. Beth takes care of Judith, Dad is ignoring him and Carl’s never felt more alone. He sits in his cell, reading books or cleaning his gun, or sleeping. He doesn’t eat for a few days, he just lays there, hurt and alone and his side is throbbing. It does that sometimes, phantom pains, but they’re intense and sometimes he cries at night. 

He changes into less dirty clothes, a baggy long-sleeve and skinny jeans Daryl found for him on a run. He ties his boots and buckles the clasp on his holster. Checking the gun to make sure it’s loaded Carl walks out of his cell and runs into his dad. He doesn’t say anything but he looks up at him. There’s blood in his beard and all over his clothes. He worries that he’s been bit but Rick would’ve brought everyone together or he wouldn’t have come back. Carl’s eyes turn glassy and he realizes he’s forgotten his hat and his father can look him in the eyes. “Carl.” Carl looks away. Rick puts a hand on his cheek and the dam falls. 

Carl falls into an emotional mess in his father’s arms, his cries echo across the block and Rick backs him into his cell. He sits Carl on the bunk and plops down next to him. Rick goes to pull away but Carl won’t let him, he buries his head in Rick’s chest. “Please don’t go. Please, please.” 

“I promise, baby, I won’t go.” Rick mumbles into his soft hair, holding him. 

“Please…” 

  
  


Carl is fourteen when he screams at his unconscious father, when he lets it out, lets out his insecurities and anger. When he leaves, he almost dies, and he comes back like a loyal dog. His father acts as if he’s reanimated. Carl’s heartbroken. He thinks it’s the worst, he’s died and come back. But he can’t do it, he can’t shoot him. 

Carl breaks down, he cries again, for the fourth time since this whole thing has started. He can’t do it.

  
  


Carl is fifteen years old when he almost gets raped, his father when ballistic and he feels so violated. His skin feels dirty, he can hear the old man’s voice, the drool down his neck and the hands on his pants, groping places that  _ man _ shouldn’t be touching. Rick stays close to him, protective, but he doesn’t say anything.  _ Is he ashamed? Should I have been better? _ Tears well in his eyes and he looks away, carrying himself at the back of the group. Rick tells his closest members what happened, and they come around, talk to him but he looks away, holding himself tightly. 

He wants to bang his head against a tree until he can’t feel anything, but hurting himself isn’t the answer. It’s night, crickets are chirping and the moon is full and bright. He’s holding back his sobs, trying to stay quiet. He falls asleep holding Judith, she smells like flowers and he cries into her hair. 

  
  


Carl is sixteen years old when his friend Ron accidentally shoots him in the eye because of Michonne. She stabs him through the chest, as if dad can’t move out of the fucking way and Michonne could just easily tackle him. It’s not Ron’s fault, it’s hers. And he tells her that,  _ yells _ at her. He doesn’t make her cry but she’s angry and understanding. She knows it’s her fault and Carl feels insulted. Rick yells at him later and Carl yells back, louder than him, dominating, and Rick stands down. He knows Carl is right. 

He doesn’t talk to Carl for months. Carl becomes a liability. Useless, everyone can see their relationship is tearing itself apart. Often times Carol or Daryl finds him sobbing into Judy’s hair. They try to console him but they end up waking up the baby and she buries her face in her brother’s chest and burbles annoyedly, as if his sobbing was a lullaby. Rick finds him multiple times, to apologize but Carl doesn’t want to hear it. He’s used to being ignored, being alone. He can do it again for the rest of his life if he has to. He can protect himself and Judith. He’s done it before. 

Carl cries himself to sleep, they pretend not to see how red his eye is in the morning. 

  
  


Carl is seventeen years old, thinking he’s at the end of the line and his father doesn’t  _ fucking care _ if he dies in that moment. He wants to scream, cry and lash out, rip their skin off their flesh and go fucking berserk. Negan is about to kill him, bash his skull in and he flinches.

Shiva,  _ Shiva the TIGER _ saves him. 

 

Carl’s done with his family, but he’ll stay.

Because he has to. 

No matter what fights they get into, Rick might yell at him and tell him he doesn’t love him but, Carl will always love him. His father. 

 

“I don’t know what the hell happened to you, but you’re different.” Rick spits. Carl looks him in the eye. “You’re not the son I remember having.” Carl almost bursts out, the dam is breaking. He takes a long, shaky breath and rests his head on his father’s shoulder. 

“Even if you ignore me, push me away, hurt me. I don’t care.”

  
“I still love you.” 

 

Rick hugs him tight and cries into his shoulder. Carl breaks with him. 


End file.
